| TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS by Mr_Solid Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a daughter was stirring, not even a Michelle Mouse; The black belts were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that the tournament soon would be there; My daughters were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of broken boards danced in their heads, And mamma in her dobok, and I in my gi, Had just settled down feeling ever so sleepy, When out on the lawn there arose such clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter, Away to the window I flew like a flash, Chopped open the shutters and kicked up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow, Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a black minivan, and eight burglars full of beer, With a little old driver, so shifty and quick, I knew in a moment it must be some Prick. More rapid than pit bulls his cronies they came, And he swore and cursed, and called them by name; “Now, Vitto! Now, Anton! Now, Knuckles and Bruiser! On, Vinny! On Lenny! On Boggie and Boozer! Break in through the porch! Climb over that wall! Now smash & grab! Smash & grab! Smash away All!” As drunk drivers before the police car do fly, They drove over my yard gnomes, scattered them to the sky, So up to the house-top the burglars they flew, With a van full of burglary tools, and that little Prick too. And then, in a heartbeat, I heard on the roof The stumbling and staggering of each stupid goof. As I awoke all my family, and was turning around, Down the chimney that prick and his goons came with a bound. My wife moved on Vitto, slashed out with her foot, And I pummeled Anton, leaving ashes and soot; That greasy jerk Knuckles, jumped onto my back, But a flip and a twirl dispersed their rat pack. How my daughters did pounce! With kicks & screams so scary! Sweet terrors were they, Bruiser exclaimed, “This is hairy!” Chloe, Michelle and Nikki struck stances all in a row, They’d put on their black belts all for a show, Chloe, all of twenty, scorpion kicked out the Prick’s teeth, And Nikki spun kicks round and round, just like a wreath; Little Michelle, my Mouse, back kicked Vinny’s belly, Then hook kicked his face so he quivered like jelly. Sweet Nikki, my eldest, side kicked Lenny into a shelf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; Chloe jump kicked 540, smashing Boggie’s head, Michelle hit Boozer with roundkicks, nearly leaving him dead; The burglars shrieked and yelped as my kin did their work, Fists and feet filled their faces; they pummeled those jerks. And Chloe dropped an axe kick on the Prick’s bright red nose, He hollered, “Let’s get out of here!”; up the chimney they rose; Scampering cross the roof to his van, giving his team a whistle, And drove they away like a heat seeking missile. But I had to exclaim, as he drove out of sight, "You messed with the wrong house! My girls can all fight!" |